marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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