I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
