I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
