i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
