Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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