talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
