I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
