so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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