I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
