I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
