; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
