Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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