This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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