you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You're a waste of cheezeits
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
