and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
