I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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