Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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