So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
PANTIES FOUND
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