As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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