after a month anything with tits is on the radar
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
