I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Drunk is not a location!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
