Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Less talking, more tequila
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
