guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
