Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
