Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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