I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
