Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
