id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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