It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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