i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
