Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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