So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
