Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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