Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
