He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
be right there i have to get my cape
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
