while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
