I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
