Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
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