I love black thongs
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
