I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
