What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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