Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
