you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
