: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He did a backflip because drugs
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