After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
