Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
