Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
