Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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