Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
