Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
did you just send me my own nude
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
