i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
