I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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